Day 30. In spite of Bruce Lee!

 I came across a meme the other day that was supposedly a saying by Bruce Lee:

INSTEAD OF BUYING YOUR CHILDREN
ALL THE THINGS YOU NEVER HAD,
YOU SHOULD TEACH THEM ALL THE THINGS
YOU WERE NEVER TAUGHT.

MATERIAL WEARS OUT BUT 
KNOWLEDGE STAYS.

OK - he may have actually said something close to that, and I totally agree, but at the same time, it makes me realize I have failed miserably to follow this advice. 

I'm not saying my children were spoiled, they weren't, but I always found ways to make their days easier and their smiles were worth it. Goodwill and eBay provided us with overly priced toys at a cost we could afford.

We had the big parties I always wanted as a kid. No inflatable bouncy house, or clowns. Themes - always with a theme. Treasure hunts, Pirate parties, Halloween parties, Christmas parties, we made sure to celebrate them all. 

I made up the backyard like a castle and we slayed a dragon Piñata. We had knight and princess hats, swords and jewelry. 

We went on vacations - nothing lavish. We drove most of the time. This was due to the fact that we had been on a plane on the way home from Disney World and it lost an engine. All I could think about was how I had Jim's entire family on the plane and now we were all going to die and leave him alone. I wondered if he would stay in the house or move back in with his parents. A part of me fantasized that he would move back to his parents because he couldn't be in the house with out us.

We drove to Myrtle Beach to meet with Judy and her kids. It was a good trip with Jimmy navigating as he always did, I realize now how much faith I was putting him in a pretty important job for a 9 year old. We had a trip tik for him to follow (no GPS yet) and he did ok when he wasn't playing on his Game Boy. 

I never made reservations at hotels ahead of time, instead I pulled in and acted like I had one - when the people realized that I was tired and had two kids - they usually gave me rooms and for a good price. OK, I know I said I stopped lying after my dad caught me with the silver dollars, but people with a low vacation budget get desperate.

When ever possible we would stay at hotels with free breakfast, then we would make sure we took enough to cover lunch and snacks. To keep costs down we only ate at McDonalds - it was easier to budget by staying with one fast food restaurant. We ate there for every meal when we didn't have free hotel breakfast.

We would go to a local target to get any kind of souvenirs. If you think about it, most targets and local grocery stores have items that you can purchase with local names on it for cheaper than you can at stores in a theme park or beach. I would also go to Good Will before we left and buy T-Shirts, stuffed animals or other items I could find that would feel like we bought them at the vacation spot and put them in my suitcase. The kids never knew (although they may now).

I would find coupons or talk to friends for ideas to keep costs down at zoos, museums, mini-golf and other attractions. 

The second part of that Bruce Lee quote was to teach things you were never taught. I am a total believer that not everything needs to be taught in school. 

Lesson #1: Navigation. They learned about maps, directions, Interstate exits, toll booths and speed limits.

Lesson #2: The importance of travel. You need to understand how people think in different areas of the country and what better way than to be in their own backyard. 

Lesson #3: Communication. Being trapped in a car traveling 60 MPH gives you a chance to talk to each other and discuss life. Even at age 9 and 6 the boys had issues they had been worried about and wanted to discuss. 

Lesson #4: Storytelling. Jimmy and I would make up stories about people in other cars, where they lived or where they may be going. We also re-wrote some plays - I wish I had written them down - we could have been published authors by now.

Lesson #5: Patience.  One trip got a little longer when I realized - almost an hour after leaving a hotel - that I forgot my purse at the hotel's restaurant. We had a car phone so I was able to call them and make sure they found it before turning around. Happily everything was there. That was a lesson 

Lesson #6. First Aid. We played in pools and practiced swimming under the water with our eyes open (no googles). At one pool I swam through a cloud of chlorine they had just added and was blinded my eyes burned so bad that I couldn't open them up. Jimmy got the front desk clerk who helped me to the side of the pool. We ended up staying an extra night because I was the only driver - I was really worried that time, but couldn't let the boys know - but Jimmy did a great job taking care of me and making sure I was flushing my eyes out every hour.

Lesson #7. Socializing. Andy needs to have good modeling on how to treat people whether it be a hotel host or waitress or another guest. It is important for your children to realize that they are people and deserve to be treated well regardless of the type of day you are having. At one hotel we were fortunate enough to stay in the business level, complete with concierge and evening 'hotel manager' buffet. Andy became such good friends with the staff that they allowed him to go into the kitchen himself and find snacks he would like to eat. Andy was maybe 10 at the time and was just beginning to work with school psychologist on understanding this world he didn't feel like he fit in. Having this contact and connection with the staff was probably one of the biggest learning experiences he could have.

Lesson #8. Stand your ground. One trip we went on was with a group for LEGO League. It was in Atlanta and there was a Renaissance Faire nearby. A couple of the mom's decided we should go to the Zoo with the group, but I really wanted to go to the Faire. I was 'told' by the mom's that we were going to the zoo. I thought about it for a split second, then stated that I was an adult, I was taking a van to the Ren Faire and they could do what they wanted. I ended up taking the entire team to the Faire with me. The other mom's went to the Zoo. It is one of my favorite memories.

Lesson #9. Budgets. OK - I very rarely save to go on vacation - it's usually "I think we'll go somewhere in two weeks", and then I start to scramble. Ebay, Amazon and Rummage sales paid for many of our trips. 

Lesson #10. Options. You don't have to stay in the nicest hotel ever to have a good vacation. Clean, secure and in a location that isn't too far from a beach is fine. I sat in many time-share speeches in order to get free hotel and meal vouchers. I still don't own one. They always ask you to bring your spouse, but since Jim rarely came along and I rarely wear my wedding ring I would simply say I was single. I still got the rewards for attending.

I can't say for certain if these lessons stayed with my children, I do know they are more relaxed when they travel. They talk to people and find out about their day and always remember to leave a good tip (their dad still doesn't know how to do that). 

Most importantly, they don't sweat it when things go wrong and both can pivot fairly easy (a true accomplishment for Andy). Instead of getting upset, they take it as a chance to have a different 'Adventure' and experience things they had not planned on doing.

So I guess, I didn't do so bad after all. I may have followed Bruce Lee's advice without even realizing it.

Go forth and explore and don't ever miss an opportunity to change course!