Day 14. The rules of friendship

It's Valentine's day, 2021. No better time than the present to think about the rules of friendship. At least the ones that used to exist way back when I was a kid on Cudahy Avenue.

There was a group of us that hung out. Ruthie, Tina, and the twins, Becky and Brenda. Beth and Cheryl were my stand by friends. That sounds worse than it is and I'll explain before I finish this post.

Ruthie lived across the street, next to Mr. and Mrs. Ackers. Becky and Brenda lived up the street in a house we had first lived in when we moved to Cudahy from Dubuque in 1964. I was just about to turn three. 

Cudahy Avenue was my whole world. I knew most of the Neighbors, the Cases to the left and the Nelson's to the right. Mr. Nelson had a short haired pointer named 'Pal'. He was the smartest dog I ever knew. We had a border collie named Runtsie. She was the Runt of the litter, thus the clever name. Runtsie was smart in her own way. She knew how to get the tails off bunnies - she would leave them on the back step for us. She was also a quick hunter, protecting us from the bumble bees in the area. She would bite their heads off before they had the chance to sting one of us. She would be rewarded with hugs, kisses and ice for her welts from the stings.

Up and down the block I had either sat on the front porch of the house, or knocked on the door and asked to use the bathroom. I was not shy and sometimes you just can't make it all the way home, you know? Cudahy has something called Alleys - the area between two yards where you would put your garbage in the ash can (not trash - ash because they used to burn the trash at one time in history). I found many treasures in those cans - all ended up somewhere in our house. My family was very patient with my treasure hunting. I'm glad we didn't worry about bed bugs in those days.

Across the alley was a small pull in drive where the kids on the block would stage 'war' or 'cops and robbers' games. Don't panic - no guns were involved, but we did have some pretty gnarly looking sticks that kicked upwards when you yelled 'BANG!' 

I had also been in just about every backyard on the block, helping myself to the fresh vegetables that grew there in the summer. One family had grapes that hung over the archway. No wonder I was never hungry. 

Not many families had dogs, but the lady behind us had a small poodle. She would let her poodle outside and then we saw it we would let it back in. The poodle was always shivering and we took that as a sign that it was scared or cold and needed to go back inside. 

Ruthie and I became fast friends. We would play in her house until her parents tossed us out for being too loud. Then we would hang out in my bedroom.

Our house used to be a duplex and the upstairs kitchen was my room. It was the biggest room upstairs and I had it all to myself. Sure it still had a sink and kitchen cabinets, and everyone had to pass through it to get to their bedrooms, but it was still mine. 

I remember hanging underneath the sink, holding onto the curved pipe and pretending that I was Winnie the Pooh. I sang 'I'm just a little black rain cloud' over and over and over again. I have very patient brothers and sisters - remember they had rooms right next to me.

Becky and Brenda's house I thought was ever so cool. We had rented the house for the first three years we lived in Cudahy until our parents put money on the home in the middle of the block. We always thought that house was haunted and held seances in the upstairs attic.

For some reason I remember a glass elevator in the middle going up to a skylight. But then I think, no, that's from Charlie and the Chocolate factory. 

It did have plenty of bedrooms, which was good since the twins had a big family too. This also made it  easy to go unnoticed. But the biggest draw was the large number of Barbie's they owned. Being a twin had the advantage of having two of everything. 

Ruthie, the twins and I very rarely hung out together - thus the rules of friendship. 

Rule #1 - you must have more than three friends. The twins always stuck together so they only counted as one. 

Enter Tina. 

Tina lived on Lake drive a few blocks away. You can easily find her house if you are ever in the neighborhood - it's the one with the sunken car in the front yard and a 'Big Boy' statue in the back. I knew Tina way before these were added to the yard, and I don't think the home is owned by anyone in her family now. 

But, the house has always been unique. When I knew Tina it was pink - just the trim, but in the 1960's that was still a 'thinking outside the box' type of thing. Tina's family was probably just slightly more low middle class than the rest of us. Still to us, she was the rich friend. She not only had Barbie's, but a real honest to goodness Barbie doll house and even a Barbie car. In the world of Barbie envy, she had the ultimate pile.

Rule #2 - you can never be friends with all four in your group at the same time. This was crucial. If we were all friends at the same time then we would have nothing to complain about or no storyline for when we were playing Barbie's. The friend who was 'out' that day would be the bad Barbie and we would make up stories that involved terrible things like bad hair days or ugly clothes. Sometimes (if we were really into it) we would even cut the hair on the Barbie that was standing in for the friend.

Rule #3 - you need to have back up friends for the days when you were the one they were mad at. For me that was Cheryl and Beth. Cheryl was a lot of the groups backup friend so it worked out best for her, she always had someone different to play with and didn't have to worry about having a Barbie's hair cut in her honor.

Beth was my main backup friend. She lived above a bar and was even more imaginative than I was. Beth had created her own language, Martian, and told everyone she was from Mars. She lived with her mom and sister. Her mom worked a lot and sister was like any other teenager of the time - any time for that matter. She was out with her friends. 

We often had the house to ourselves. We would do our homework, quickly and then Beth and I would talk for hours, just talk. No Barbie's, not many toys at all. She did have a number of instruments that we would use to create songs. But generally we would use our imagination. I could probably credit Beth for helping me develop mine to the level that it is at today. Beth and I would create worlds where we were - nope, not princesses, warriors - bosses - in charge. We would sit in Sheridan park for hours and play in the different booths that were there to use when you rented a site. 

They would become offices, secret hide-outs, space ships.

The shelves of the outdoor bar's would become our bunks as we launched into outer space or traveled to distant countries we had read about in school. But our adventures were much better than anything in those dusty old books.

Rule #4 - when you were with the in group, you didn't talk about anything you did with your backup friends. I know that Becky and Brenda had each other, but I'm sure they had other friends I didn't know about. Ruthie, too, had other friends, and Tina was uber popular (pink house reminder) so she was able to quickly move about. 

Rule #5 - you never, ever, dissed any of your friends. What we did in our groups was our business. But when we were on the playground at school we always stuck up for each other. We made sure that none of the group was ever chosen last for kickball. We could be mean to each other, but an outsider could not be mean to any of us - it was an important fact - that included the back up friends. 

Rule #6 - you never stop being friends. You just move on with your life. If you run into each other again, sit down, talk, reminisce. 

I recently caught up with Ruthie thanks to social media and its fun seeing how her life has progressed. I am not sure what happened to the twins, or Cheryl. But I am told that Beth became an author. I hope that is true, so many need to live in her stories.